A New Perspective

Today I woke up with a smile of gratitude upon my face.(and a little dog named Chloe licking me) No fuzzy head, no blurry bloodshot eyes. But a promise of a new day and the possibilities that were ahead! I contribute this to a new perspective that I've taken about my life.

It wasn't too long ago that I didn't wake up this way. As a matter of fact, it was more like coming to. And then there wasn't any gratitude. Exactly the opposite. I dreaded the thought of facing another day. I wanted to crawl back into bed, and worse... Climb into a bottle of scotch and drown myself in in it. What a miserable existence! What made it even worse was the fact that no matter how much liquor I consumed, I couldn't block the memories and the feelings of my past that had haunted me for so long.  

This is a horrible place to be. To be terrified of the feelings of guilt and shame, and being unable to turn to the one thing that had always taken them away. This was the "jumping of place" for me. Couple the inability to blot out my thoughts and the realization that I had to resort to scraping change together to feed the Coin Star just so I could by more alcohol at 7:00 AM helped me reach my bottom. That, and a little voice in my head that told me to reach out for help. Which I did...

I finally made it to treatment three days later. Upon getting my vitals in detox, I was informed that my blood pressure was in the danger zone, and that I was a ticking time bomb waiting to blow. It took me a couple of days of coming out of the haze that I was much sicker than I could have ever imagined. And this was only after four days of drinking! (Of course that was four days straight)Fortunately that's no longer the case. I went in for a physical today, and gratefully my blood pressure is at a safe and normal state. Overall, I'm in pretty good health for a guy my age. 

Today I can say I'm very grateful to be alive. Grateful I don't have to live that way anymore. It's hard to believe that 51 days later I could have such a dramatic change of perspective. Of course when one's feet have been put to the fire, one can't help but feel immense relief to have them withdrawn!  Today I live in today as best I can. Because the truth is I feel like I'm living on borrowed time... Only grace saved me. Something I hope I never forget!