Today is day 43 of my recovery. In all of my experience of sobriety(18 years of in and out) I have never felt so low. This time around is really miserable. Not that I'm not grateful to get one last chance of getting this, but this time has been less than enjoyable. Thankfully the thought of drinking hasn't been there, but the feelings of sadness and hopelessness have been an ever constant companion. Perhaps this is a blessing. I know that it does get better, that it takes time, but I'm certain that I don't EVER want to feel this way again! I pray that I never forget how hard it's been...
I'm struggling with the losses that are a result of my decision to drink again. While I'm still employed, still have friends and family by my side, the most important thing I've lost is causing me a great deal of pain. Sadly, the pain I'm feeling is probably being shared by someone else. My disease has taken so much from me. My sense of self is at an all time low. The relationships I had are either over, or strained. Financially I'm in the toilet. Emotionally I'm a wreck. Spiritually I'm bankrupt. But I'm alive and sober. So I'm still in the game. It's going to take a lot of hard work and a lot of patience. But I'm trying to have faith THAT THIS TOO SHALL PASS...
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