Working Hard...

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work."

Colin Powell

As the year comes to a close, I've been crafting a plan to pull myself out of the doldrums that have plagued me over this past year. Obviously the number one priority is to stay sober and continue to grow. Without sobriety, nothing is going to change.  The other big thing that has kept me down has been my financial situation, which has been adversely affected my quality of life, only to lead to drinking. 

One of the many great blessings is my job. I can work as much or as little as I care too. (The latter isn't such a great thing) So, in the new year, I'm gonna work a lot! If I follow through on my plan, I should be out of debt by mid-summer. This would be a huge accomplishment if I follow through!

The main reason I relapsed initially last year was due to financial stress. Money has always been an issue for me. I've always used it to regulate my feelings.  At the last rehab I discovered that impulse spending was a major event in my relapse mode. I've spent money on so much stuff just to escape how I was feeling, only to feel worse afterward, which of course spiraled into feelings of guilt and shame. Feelings that I had trouble talking about. The shame became so great that it compounded the depression that was feeding the actions to spend. All of which eventually led to my picking up the first drink...

It's time I changed this behavior. It's been a revolving door for as long as I care to remember. If I'm going to be successful in life, I need to master this part of me. I've been doing some goal setting as of late. I really want to achieve these goals! If I can attain financial stability, then a lot of good things can happen in my life! Things like travel, owning a place of my own, and most importantly, having a stable loving relationship with a woman. My lack of financial discipline has always been a major breaking point in all my relationships, that in time led me to drinking to escape... I'm done with it! I have a burning desire to succeed!   

Will this be easy? No, nothing worthwhile in life is ever really easy. I've been down this road of recovery enough times to know that it won't be easy. But the reward will be great if I'm willing to persevere.