Today I was reminded of why it is so important for me to stay in touch with others in recovery. I woke up with a deep sense of impending doom this morning, that resulted in my not getting out of bed until much later than I intended. Once I got up, I did my usual morning ritual of prayer and meditation, yet I felt disconnected. Finally, it dawned on me that perhaps it might be good to make some phone calls to a few friends. Initially, I got only voicemail, but I left a couple of messages. Finally a friend returned a call. The content of the conversation wasn't what mattered, but the feeling of knowing that someone else out there understood how I felt made the feeling of isolation dissipate.
After speaking with my friend I had a renewed feeling of hope, which led me to attend two meetings back to back this evening. While waiting at Starbucks before the first meeting I ran into a friend that I really respect. We had a nice conversation as we walked to the meeting. Again the feelings of loneliness subsided. The connection of one recovering person speaking and listening to another is so powerful!
After the first meeting, I spoke with another guy that I've known in recovery for a while. I hadn't seen him in some time, but talking to him helped me greatly. During the meeting I shared that I was a "chronic relapser." He shared with me his experience of saying the same thing in his early days, and that someone pulled him aside and reminded him that he wasn't in relapse mode, and that if he kept referring to himself that way, he probably would continue to be just that. He told me that once he heard this tidbit, he stopped thinking of himself that way, and he's stayed sober ever since. This was invaluable to me! It helped reset my course, and I've been feeling much better this evening.
If I hadn't reached out earlier today, I might have missed out on that very important piece of information! My usual way of doing things would have left me feeling worse and further removed from humanity. Gratefully, I did the next right thing and as they say the rest is history. So in closing I'm reminded of something my sponsor says continually , "Stay close and stay connected!"
Great insights and a good reminder of how powerful everyday interactions can be. A friend in AA once suggested that I take the word relapse out of my vocabulary. I think he meant that it can be helpful to de-normalize relapses, so that we are not waiting for one to happen. For me it comes down to staying in the present. If I am sober now, a relapse is either in the past or in the future, so why dwell on it. Concentrate on right now. Thanks for your post!
ReplyDeleteThanks Doc! Staying in the present is so important! Thanks for the reminder!
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