It was over two years since I had been in a relationship when I met her. We had had passing conversations at work, (I work at a detox and she works at one of the treatment centers we send our patients to)but never did they amount to much until one day when a co-worker phoned me to tell that she had confided in him that she was very interested in me. I had always found her attractive. She was a Latina with beautiful brown eyes and and a lovely smile and a sexy body. So I set out to ask her out...
The following week I ran into her again at work, it was a Friday and I asked her for her number. She obliged and that night I called her. We made plans to go to the South Florida Fair the next night. Saturday night arrived and I picked her up and we headed out to the fair. The traffic getting to the fairgrounds was horrific, so it gave us nearly an hour just to get to know each other in my car as we sat in it. When we finally arrived at the fair, we had a pretty good rapport. We conversed and had some laughs. When we got onto the Ferris Wheel, looking at me and said, "since I know your a little out of practice" she kissed me. It was so romantic! We spent the rest of the night going on rides holding hands and having a great time until the crowd at the fair started to appear a bit "thuggish" and we decided to leave.
When we arrived at her apartment she invited me in and we sat on the couch making out. One thing led to another and I ended up spending the night. I should have known that wasn't a good sign... But it had been so long since I'd slept with a woman, I wasn't about to say no.
Things heated up quickly between us. Initially, I felt as if she was way too into me and I fought the urge to reciprocate. But the sex was amazing and we seemed to be able to communicate with each other well, so eventually I relaxed and let down my guard. And so it went, every Friday and Saturday I would either go to her apartment or she would come to my house and we would pack as much into the small time frame we had to spend together. This was necessary since she had three children that lived at home from her previous marriage. And since her ex took the kids for the weekend we could spend this time together.
Eventually, I fell for her and told her I loved her. She told me she had been in love with me since the first night we went out. Again, another sign post I neglected to pay attention to... And so we continued our weekly routine, with interspersed after work get togethers for coffee or a quicky at my house before she would pick up her children from school. I was quickly getting very comfortable with her and our relationship and soon felt like I had finally found someone who loved me for me. Who treated me like a man and wanted to take care of me. She would cook dinner for me (Excellent Dominican food) treat me like a king and telling me she wanted to do it because she loved me and that she couldn't believe that there were really men like me out there. I was so happy!
We did a lot in a short time, one night we went to a hockey game (The Blackhawks were in town) and she told me how much fun she had, as she had never been to an NHL game before. The conversation soon turned to how much her sons would love to do something like that. From there we began talking about how at some point she wanted me to meet her kids. The conversation then led to our future together and she asked me if I still thought about having children. Since that isn't something I have had the chance to to do, I said if we were to stay together I would love to do that. She was so excited by this. She told me she had given up hope of ever finding anyone who would want to settle down with her and perhaps have another child. At that moment I was sure we were meant to be together...
As life is wont to do, it threw me a curveball and I reacted in an all too familiar way. I was given a demotion at my job because of office politics and because of some things I said about one of the managers. Justified possibly, but it was unprofessional on my behalf and word got back to the bosses and I my position was stripped from me. I was devastated and fell into a funk over it. I began to neglect my health and started smoking again. She did her best to be supportive and she expressed her concern for me. I guess looking back at it. This must have shattered the illusion she had of who I was as a man. I stayed in a funk for over a week. Finally, I accepted my situation and moved on. Perhaps I was so self involved, that I neglected her. I don't know, but I know it changed the way she saw me...
Then the day finally came to meet her children. I was nervous, but excited as well. It was a big step that I felt ready for. She had warned me that she would probably be a bit distant around the kids since this a first for her and she didn't want to overwhelm them either. The day went well, we took the kids to Chuck E Cheese, then did some shopping. We had dinner together at her house. Over all it went quite well, and I was happy with that. The next day was Friday and she called me saying that she needed a night to herself since she had the kids all week home for spring break. I wasn't upset and told her that was fine and that we'd se each other the next night. Saturday came, and along with it her mood and overall demeanor changed... We went to dinner and I asked her what was going on. She told me she felt like she had rushed into having me meet her kids. At first I was hurt by this, but as she explained, she didn't know me as well as she felt she needed to. She was afraid of how I might react if one of her kids did something to upset me. Truthfully, I would never harm a child. But I could see where she was coming from. That night we had sex for the last time. I wanted to make love, but that's not what she wanted... It was strange, but I didn't think much of it. Also during this time she had a flare up from her Lupus and she fell ill. So I chalked up her behavior to not feeling well and being overwhelmed by the events of the week. I did my best to be supportive and loving, but deep down something had changed and I couldn't put my finger on it. The following week I went to her house with pizza for her and the kids so she didn't have to cook for them because she was so exhausted from her condition. I also sent her flowers to try to brighten her mood, as I knew she wasn't feeling well and I wanted her to know that I was there for her. She was happy about the flowers, she said she had never had anyone send a floral arrangement to her before. But it didn't seem as if she was as appreciative as she would have been before. Later that week she texted me thanking me for the support and that she realized she hadn't been the best girlfriend lately. I told her to think nothing of it, that I loved her and only wanted her to feel better.
The following week, for the second time in a three week span her ex pawned the kids off on her and once again we were unable to spend the time we usually did together. I was so frustrated by this, but not at her, more so at her ex for being such an irresponsible father and being so unfair to her. Then on Saturday evening she texted me asking if I could talk on the phone and I called her. She then dropped a bomb on me that I wasn't prepared for... She was pregnant! We discussed the options and both agreed that not keeping the child would be best as neither of us were prepared for such an event at the time, not to mention the toll it had been taking on her health in conjunction with her Lupus. I was in shock, but I felt like we would make things work out. I had no idea what we were about to go through...
The next day she had to leave work early because her blood pressure was high and her pulse was off the chart and go to an urgent care. I went to her apartment and she was very distant, even somewhat hostile towards me. She soon realized she was acting this way and apologized. She however stated that she didn't want to talk about the pregnancy or the upcoming procedure to terminate it until after it was done. This was particularly hard for me as I am one who normally wants to talk about my feelings and work through them. But I agreed that if it was what she needed I would do my best to honor her request.
The days leading up to the procedure were very taxing emotionally. For one, it was the closest I'd ever been to being a father and the thought of not being able to follow through was making me quite sad. I did my best and confided in a few close friends of mine who were extremely supportive. When I spoke with her, she was distant and seemed annoyed when I mentioned I was taking care of myself by surrounding myself with supportive friends. Looking back, I realized she didn't have the same luxury and perhaps she was envious of it. With each passing day the distance between us seem to grow further. On the day of the procedure, things were tense as I drove her to the clinic and while we waited for her appointment. Following it, we had a blow out and she accused me of being selfish when I neglected to comment on her mentioning that her breast were getting bigger. I felt uncomfortable talking about such a thing as it seemed inappropriate considering what had just happened. Eventually she calmed down and we talked things out. She apologized for being an "asshole" and she had been fair to me. I left her since she had to get her kids from school. But I felt like things were ok as I left, minus the fact that she was refusing to allow me to give her money for it. She said she didn't want me to be able to hold that over her. It mad no sense to me. I told her that if anything she should let me pay for at least half because I was half responsible for the situation. It was very frustrating. I knew she needed the money and she made comments about how she didn't know how she was going to make ends meet, yet she refused my help.
The next day at work she came to pick up the transfers and things were tense. I texted her apologizing and letting her know that I really wanted to pay for the procedure. She suggested we meet for dinner that evening and go for a walk to talk about things. We met and grabbed some pizza and walked down by the beach and sat on a park bench to talk. She proceeded to tell me that she had been fair to me throughout the week because she hadn't ever been with someone who was a supportive as I had been and it made her act out in such a manner. We had a heartfelt talk about the events of the past couple of weeks and seemed to be back to a place of understanding and support. However, she still refused to take money from me, even though she needed it. I walked her to her car and we kissed goodbye... (To be continued)
No comments:
Post a Comment