I received some sad news not more than a half an hour ago. A kid I had been sponsoring was found dead from an overdose of heroin. earlier today...
The odd thing was that I saw a status update earlier today mentioning the loss of a Paul to the disease. For a brief moment I paused and thought of the Paul I had been sponsoring up until last Friday. But I pushed the thought out of my mind. Thinking, "it's probably a different Paul." Then I went on with my business for the rest of the day. The reason I thought of him was that he suddenly picked up and left town to go back up North. It was a unexpected development that caught me by surprise. When he texted me to tell me he was leaving the next day, I was caught of guard, but I didn't try to dissuade him. I wished him the best and told him to keep in touch. That was the last time I heard from him... We had been moving forward in his step work and he was making good progress on a fourth step inventory. Then without any warning he went AWOL and didn't call me to confirm a time to meet. Then he texted me letting me know he was leaving Florida.
Then the call came tonight from a good friend that sponsors one of his friends from the halfway house they lived in. The sad news was given that he had died... At this point I'm numb. Its such a shame. He was only 20 years old. He had so much to look forward to in his young life. Now he's gone...
I met Paul about three months ago after my home group. I remember him picking up a white chip (A symbol of surrendering the battle against the disease on one's own terms) and I introduced my self to him afterward. He was a shy and quiet young man. But he worked up the courage to ask me if I could sponsor him. I was honored and said yes. (It's an honor and a duty to help the new comer) He called me every day for a week straight to demonstrate he was serious about getting sober. So we started on the work right away. He was eager and willing to follow the direction I gave him. It was awesome to watch him slowly spread his wings!
As our relationship grew, I noticed that he seemed to look up to me as a father figure. At first I was uncomfortable with it. But I soon realized he really needed someone like me to give him some guidance. Just as I had with my sponsor when I first got sober. So, we moved forward and he was a real blessing in my life. Especially when I was going through with my own troubles with my last relationship crumbling. When we would meet for an hour every week, it was the one time I could forget about my own calamities and focus on his early recovery struggles. I was very grateful to have him in my life, as I am for all my sponsees. He really helped me get through the rough time I was dealing with, all the while not really knowing that he was. He once asked if he could do anything for me. And I told him that it was his job to get through the step work and my job to get him through it. That was more than enough help.
I's so sad to know he's gone. I've never had a sponsee go back out and die. This will be a difficult one to deal with. But I know I have my supports that will get me through this. Just like they have always done before. His death will not be all in vain. It will be a constant reminder to me that if I let up, I too can have the same fate. I'm just sorry we never got the chance to get our relationship to that of friends like I have with my other sponsee that finished the work. Paul, you will be missed. I send prayers to your loved ones... Fly with angels, dance with the stars...
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